Meditations of an African Woman

Well? Who? ... Really?

There is a very small pool of men I could marry from. Since I started running Songhai Creative, I've become even more aware of this.

When I was much greener I felt as most youths feel, that 'love' was that butterfly feeling in your stomach that made you lose your good and common sense where this particular individual was concerned. A bit older and wiser now, I understand better what I need for me. And it is not confusion or submitting myself to the whims of another.

There is a profile for the kind of man I, as a committed entrepreneur, workaholic, spiritual, and emotional eccentric could marry. And it's probably not far from the type of man you would imagine COULD marry a female with those characteristics. Given generally accepted truths about powerful, rich women and the men who run scared from them, it would be an oversight, during my entrepreneurial journey to fail to consider the realities of my relationship options as my businesses pick up and take off.

If our choices define our lives, and the bigger the choice the bigger the imprint made by that choice, then few decisions carry more weight than what we do (career) with our lives and who we marry. These two decisions have the ability to shape what people, even history, remembers of us when we are gone - if anything at all. So as you dream of your ideal career, remember to picture the type of man who could happily share that life with you. And be realistic, if you desire both, about how to balance them out during your planning phase ... you don't want to get caught in a spiral of bad relationship choices in your 40s!

So here's my ideal husband profile. Read, enjoy and then write yours for private contemplation or to share with friends and loved ones (it might make them better equipped for a spot of matchmaking).


Davinia Douglas Edafioka's IDEAL HUSBAND PROFILE:

1) He'd be patient: As a VERY challenging, highly emotional individual, I need a man with great degrees of patience. When I'm having my little (or not so little) PMS moments, he has to be chilled. Two stressy people does not a good relationship make!

2) He'd have intuitive understanding: A purely logical person is unlikely to get the many layers from which I act and speak. My ideal man would have to really get me. We all have multiple personalities to varying degrees, I happen to know that mine are very well defined characters who swap back and forth at sometimes lightening speed. It takes intuition to get me and my mood swings.

3) He'd be an optimist: I am quite a cynical person and a massive worrier. I also take myself way too seriously. So I need a man who can hold on to his optimism in the face of all the negative "what if's" I am likely to throw at him.

4) He'd be intelligent: Intelligence makes for good conversation, and I NEED a good conversationalist. I can't feel smarter than him, I can't think he's a bit slow - because I'm not that patient myself ... And I don't fare well being in the dominant position in relationships! (It's that lack of patience thing again).

5) He'd be wise: I've had a very interesting life and I know more is to come. I need a man who has had an even MORE interesting life than me, and is ready for more. Or he will find the intense and pressurized pace of my life a complete nuisance. The sheer drama and complication of it will drive him away. I need someone who can advice and guide my decisions, not run from them.

6) He'd have good business acumen: Because of my career, I have come to recognise that I need someone who shares the same entrepreneurial passion as me. Entrepreneurs are a particular breed of people. The problems that come with that ambition are unique and it very quickly becomes evident when you're having a tough time at work, that the best person to talk to about it is someone similarly experienced. Plus, we may need to work together to see each other at all!

7) He'd be ambitious: This is a necessity because I am extremely ambitious myself. Lack of ambition is not something I can understand or tolerate.

8) He'd be spiritual: My relationship with God is central to my being. I need a private life that is centered around spiritual principles and values. I've come to learn that that controls our behaviour more than any man made law or societal pressures, because it goes deeper than the character one is 'seen' to have.

9) He'd be a family man: I have no need for a Playboy-For-Life type. I don't even live that lifestyle now. I think I did for about a year between the age of 21 to 22. I need someone who embodies family values and would be happy with a fulfilling work and family life. I don't intend to raise kids on my own or have the au pair do it!

10) He'd be a great lover: What can I say ... sex is a great stress reliever!


So that's my list ... what's on yours?

Life has purpose. And everything we do should also have purpose, from our relationships, to our work. I believe life is made up of one string of moments after another ... don't waste time ... and don't let other people waste your time for you. Know what you want, go get it, and don't settle.



Health, Wealth and Love
Davinia x

www.Songhai-Creative.com